SPRECAN.SPECAN.SPECEN.

I am totally out of reach.

People have complained and yelled that I should be getting a new phone instead of getting a new hair style.
I object!
I love having my hair done better than receiving calls and messages from people. Not that I belong to an org against the tech-dictated kingdom. Honestly, after losing my phone, I was a bit disoriented about schedule and all but in a weird way, I kind of felt a sense of relief to do things without being too dependent on technology. It was liberating! Well, err…that would be hypocrisy. Scrap that thought!

OK, so I love my laptop and insist calling it a lapdog. Without my lapdog, my new life here would be utterly meaningless. It’s what entertains me every night. Not that I do something with someone through it…uh-uh! I don’t do those kinky stuff. Yes, the internet has its dangers but I’m a wise
user. I am entertained reading my friends’ emails to me, best regards from family and relatives, and getting flirtatious emails from well…some guys. It’s a natural feeling. I’m single. I don’t have that many admirers now, though. I have totally - completely shut myself from the dating world. I should join those dating services that they advertise online but I refuse to meet Mr. OK online. That for me is totally not ROMANTIC!

Yesterday, my friends and I agreed to meet at the pet clinic today and it was a one-sided show since I was the only one who turned up. I waited for what seemed like an eternity and simply decided to leave. I enjoyed the time with the baby though. The baby or should I say - our baby - is a 3-month old Pomeranian who has been confined in the clinic for a week having diagnosed with CDV (Canine Distemper Virus). I remembered my friend’s last statement was to contact her if something comes up. Well, nothing came up for me except our appointment with the vet. Apparently, something important had to be sorted out for them as they were not there as agreed. Plus, need I say again that I HAVE NO PHONE to start with!

I was so tempted to get a new phone then. I wonder what could’ve happened. Where are they? It was a rainy day and I just really don’t know what those two could be thinking. Were they waiting for a call from me? But we clearly agreed to meet up at 3:00. In fact, I wanted to just go on alone so I needn’t disturb their peace. It was they who proposed the time and I didn’t even get a single email from any of them. How sad is that? I, Jo Belle (almost 25 and knows nothing about life) is totally UNREACHABLE!
What an idiot!

Even with Suning Telecom across the street, I was so stubborn enough to have resisted the urge to buy a new mobile phone. I decided to deposit some money in my bank account to kill time and go back to the clinic just in case. However, the two friends were still nowhere in sight. I darted from one shop to another and finally concluded that they were not going to come. I wonder whose fault it was. Did she say to call her to confirm? I really can’t remember vividly now. We were laughing and saying goodbye was all. I really have no idea and I still have not gotten any emails from the two. Were they in a way trying to trick me into getting a new cellphone? I have no idea. This is horrendous! I suddenly feel a jolt of horror that some alien or an unknown creature has cast a spell on the two.

…Or not…and that was a stupid thought…

Well, whatever it is…I do hope they’re OK and be sensitive enough to think that someone is concerned about them…and is blogging about them this very instant…and simply wishing they could try to reach!

The first week of teaching has revived me.

Having not taught for over two months was bad enough that it caused sleepless nights of addictive insomnia and a punishing anxiety. It was terrible. The only consolation and apparently the healthiest, the easiest, and the best resort for such dilemma was to simply recall events…(as suggested by a very reliable source);p

With my head, now at the foot of the bed, I close my eyes and start reminiscing. Nostalgia filled the corners of the dim lit room and the wonderful memories shared with the good students - would run playfully in my thoughts. They always do at cold nights like these. There were the favorite memories…the so-called memorable ones…that of Kevin singing, Andy working hard despite his visual problems, Christina cutting her famous Pannatone, Danica sharing her son’s escapades, Lucy cracking jokes, Sam and Julia dancing, my CT10’s crazy storytelling, Zuzana’s shopping spree, and so much more. Memories of each one of them played in my thoughts. The funny conversations we had seemed as if they were happening all over again and I would smile as I recall how ridiculous those times were and the boisterous laughter that rung the halls and walls of that school. Remembering them, I do not regret even a second of the time we’ve spent. Those times were heaven! Karen Carpenter’s Yesterday sang in my thoughts and indeed those times with them - those precious yesterdays - remained for the longest time in memory.

“When they get to the part, where he’s breaking her heart. It can really make
me cry…just like before…. It’s yesterday once more….”

….every shalalalala…every woOooOOoo….still shines….

It is worth knowing that I am still remembered. Despite the distance, the years apart, and all the hatred exchanged in the past, one simple “hello” can renew those into sweet and mere innocent childishness. Whether the relationship develops, or continues where it once was or whether it is purely acquaintance, only time can truly tell. Broken and reunited friendships, relationships with family and loved ones can be sweeter the second time around, and sometimes, what we deem may be another new beginning - could end much worse than it did. But then again, ONLY TIME CAN TELL.

Even though I can guarantee that I have changed a whole lot, there are a lot of issues that I have yet to be unleashed. It is not easy being the person that I am. For once, I was complex, now, I think I am much more but simply wiser enough to hide them and display a show of diplomacy and sometimes…I can exhibit a bit of understanding, too, when necessary.

Every year, I always assess my stand in life. The past year wasn’t any good. There were fun times too and uproars of laughter. Unfortunately, the bad overshadowed the good. All I ever did was work, cry, pray, and persevere some more. Some people consider it professional to keep your cool even on immaculate idiocy. I knew that wasn’t me at all. If I had my way, I would’ve confronted and gotten the problem off my chest. I would’ve shouted and yelled…and if I were who I once was…perhaps, I would’ve cursed, too. Back in 2006, I never signed up for linguistics as I knew the people involved would surely give me a dose of my own making. I was so certain that they would all give me the most painstaking time as I did them when I was theirs to teach.

When I started teaching at Southcrest, it was amazing. The child in me was revived. I became more human than I’ve ever been. My self assessment for that year was higher compared to the previous year. Sadly, at the same time, the arrows of that year also pointed downwards pertaining to the misery and despair that I was experiencing at the other end of the road.

The year 2008 may have brought me down as it did to thousands of people. It didn’t bring any luck either as the Chinese had hoped it would. Instead, it brought them closer to the dogs. It crushed Sichuan , drained their milk industry, and so many horrible others. However, it also prompted a wake up call not only here in China but to the world. It tolled for peace, honesty, unity, industry, wisdom, hope, and love.
………….
Everything that transpired the past year seemed like a whirlwind of a bad affair. I tried to envision my life for this year…hoping I could piece up some missing puzzle and to no avail, not a single image could my mind draw. I can only trust that whatever takes place this year, it is hoped that everything turns out positively as it always does every year for the past 24 years of my life.

Every year - I realize - is always different. Every year is unique in its magical way. This year will be my 25th year.

What’s in store?

….that we do not know….

Helen Keller: Woe to the man who have EYES but can’t SEE!

It is unusual for me to quote anybody (since I’ve always been original) but I must say our dear Helen Keller struck me. If she were alive, I probably would hop on to the next plane to her place and beg her to talk to me for five minutes. Not that I have decided to work for E, or Time, or any other magazine but I just really need to talk to somebody RIGHT right now. I’m DESPERATE.

A lot has happened lately and I just feel like talking to a friend.

I prayed this morning - actually, my first serious talk to God in a long time. Yes, I have been distant and not because I pretended to be COOL…and no, it isn’t COOL at all to act unChristian when you actually have to in life. Christianity as they say, is a way of LIFE. I am Christian.

My friend Tonie advised me to ask for a direction from God about knowing where I am going. She’s right - she always is and I am so glad to be friends with someone who knows what to do all the time because I don’t. I am young and immature. It’s almost as if I am in the same boat as when I left the Philippines 2 years ago. I thought I would know how to live my life better if I lived on my own. Many people age and still have no idea where they are. I must admit, I am in that same boat…a SHIP even.

Last Monday, I took a walk by the beach. (Well, it’s not exactly a beach since I’m in China…and in my standards, it’s not a beach at all but a murky sea of floating toxic from who knows where). In my heart, I knew I was in big trouble. I felt totally empty and couldn’t decide just what to do. According to the text I read today that struck me really hard to the punch like a torch, “vision is God-given and ambition is simply self-conjured.” Talk about miracles and this was it. I may be rich in AMBITION but I simply have no VISION at all. NONE!

Life is not perfect as they say. People think I have reached a lot but NO. I can tell you that my life has been really rocky. I have never decided on something serious and I haven’t made many good and wise decisions either. If I were to draw a graph about my direction in life, it’ll apparently blur you as I have taken so many risks that led me to fall several times. The paths I’ve walked were absolutely not a version of Robert Frost’s “The Road Not Taken.” I’ve been trekking a labyrinth and believe me, it’s not where God or my mom have dreamed of me to soar. I bet Alice in Wonderland felt exactly the way I do now.

I watched the Dark Knight recently. The DVD my boss lent has been on the CD rack for almost 4 months and was growing gray hairs already. I had to watch it. It was the best Batman I have ever seen. Heath Ledger - one of my favorites was genuinely exceptional in his role as Joker! Besides him, one of the characters who made an impact was Two-Faced Harvey Dent (Aaron Eckart). In the end, he made his choices by coin flipping - totally despicable. That scenario of a man who once was full of promise got me wondering if it were that easy to make a choice in life. If we could find our answers and make the best of decisions by simply tossing up a coin and deciding by the heads or tails, then life, I figure must be as easy as choosing blacks or whites, or as easy as ABCs. If I could say “heads” to continue where I am, and “tails” to quit and find greener pastures, then I wouldn’t be whining and blogging in the first place. I would have a definite answer to anything…but NO! If we were to make a decision by simply coin flipping, then we are who Ms. Keller declares without VISION, without SIGHT, and without HOPE! By coin flipping, you are letting the coin decide. “Pathetic” is not even the term for it!

At the end of the day, the decision rests on the individual who has prayed for it, thought about it over a considerable length of time, discussed the issue with responsible and sensible people, and has envisioned its consequences. In life, it is hard to make a decision. I know tomorrow, I will be more secure. Though I didn’t have a talk with Helen Keller, the words she left the world, helped me. People need a vision. We reach our goals not solely because of intellect, hard work, or not through ambition, itself; but because of the vision HE shows. Blind as we are, sometimes the signs are too glaring that they are skipped and ignored. I wonder, what must it take for us to really notice them?

As a result of all the nagging in my head - from the prudish, high, and mighty Super-ego, (who, I believe, is now happy!?!), I have finally decided to retrace my crooked steps, reach the corners of the roads I’ve taken , avoid the dead ends and long bends, and move on to the next bright direction. If someone ever finds me stumbling on the road again, rest assured that I won’t resort to a two-faced coin-flipping imp like Harvey Dent.

Deciding may take long but if made outstandingly, will pave for a really good life experience.

I wrote this conversation because I realized the deep life-long strings attached to even a single innocent question - the thoughts that come along with it and the memories a person can associate it with. It’s incredible.

….Or perhaps, it’s just how I think!

October 29, 2008

For the nth time and expectantly the last - though I know this question will always be raised – I retell my odyssey. I came to China because my college buddies invited me to stay with them for three months… At that time, there were no problems securing for a multiple-entry visa. You could easily get it in a week’s time and enter China whenever you want. Unfortunately now, with the succeeding cases of Filipinos being caught on illegal visas, drug trafficking, and other cases, it is very hard for the many Filipinos to come to China without being scrutinized and harassed by immigration officers. I cannot be mad anymore. I cannot blame them. If the other Filipinos were only thoughtful and mindful enough of their actions, then these degrading intrusions would never have happened in the first place.
The Chinese man gave me that questioning look and I automatically guessed what he was about to ask and so I continued. Luckily, the director whom I worked part-time offered me a full-time job…and so I am still here. He half-smiled. Then comes the next question: how do you find Shenzhen? If I were British, perhaps, I would answer this question in a satirical way as, I found Shenzhen by looking at the map of China. It is located in the southernmost tip next to Hong Kong. But I’m not. I answer the American way, “it’s a great place”. And…? He pried. We both smiled sheepishly. “I think it’s a very memorable place for me. It is a place that I will never forget for the rest of my life.” With a puzzled look on his face, I doubted if he understood the depth of that statement. His English level is not very high. I figure he must be thinking of what I meant. Shenzhen is a beautiful place. I simplified.

It is in Shenzhen that I started real living. In a span of one year, I’ve learned a great deal about myself. It’s hard to imagine how I survived as opposed to the easy lifestyle I had back in the Philippines. When I left the Philippines for Hong Kong, I thought I was going back in four months time. It never occurred to me that it was going to take nine months before I could throw hugs and kisses to my family again. It was very hard to even think about it now. The next big hug came when I went to the Philippines earlier this year in February. I had a fever. Mom hugged me. I started trembling with tears rolling on my cheeks…and that was not because I felt hot but because I realized how much I missed them. At that time, I could hardly say anything as I was too short of words and breath…and because in our family, crying is not a tradition. I just felt like crumbling in her arms. I remember all those nights when I needed a pat, a massage, or simply the feeling of being around a mother. I guess the best description for that emotion if I were to put into words would be…OVERWHELMING. Although, I have won several awards in my life, I must say that the best reward I have ever received so far was simply…that long-awaited hug from mom and Dianne. Perhaps, in the future, hugs too from my own children and husband. (who knows…HUGE EXCITED SMILE!)

Vegging out for the last couple of minutes heightened my new friend’s anxiety. I straightened myself, took a tissue paper, and pretended my eyes were itchy. I started stuffing and rubbing them with it. “Are you okay?” he asked. I nodded feeling nostalgic than ever. Will you stay longer?
…who knows.
I hope you will.
…that we don’t know.
Do you want to?
I bobbed my head though there was that longing to be united with my family.
How old are you?
….I’m fine, thank you. I joked. He laughed almost falling off his chair.
Be careful! I warned as he continued laughing and hitting the coffee table with his palms. I have to explain though that this question if asked to the Chinese is commonly mistaken for the very basic “how are you?”. Thus, they usually answer this with I’m fine, thank you…and you? I grin at him.
I’m 24.
I was not surprised at his immediate awe. Very young!
Yes.
Any boyfriend? You must have left someone in the Philippines.

In the past year, I dreaded that question so much for many reasons.
“Nobody. No one.” It was a dead end. I hope my voice didn’t sound bitter. This was after all an innocent interrogation. It was almost too hard to swallow the lumps that I’ve tried so hard to hide every time someone asked me that particular question. Boyfriend? I can’t even begin to describe the past relationships I have had. They were unforgettable. I loved them all but they were not meant to last. They were just there because at that point in my life, they had to be in my heart.

Why China?

I thought hard again. Although, I have answered this question too many times, I still cannot hide from that fact that it was simply because of some wounds that my mom thought would be better treated in a new environment.

I was not too tough or as wise as I am now. I was simply a wounded child then. I needed healing, change, and GROWTH. I needed an awakening. I needed LIFE. As a young adult, the hardest realization was not knowing myself and what I desperately wanted. I simply couldn’t suck the marrow out of life! I couldn’t seize and cry CARPE DIEM!!!

By now, he, too, is obviously spacing out, apparently bored with how this coffee break is turning out. Silence. Perhaps, he isn’t used to it and so came the long list of questions to entertain the time. This should be a sufficient awkward moment for him. Dropping my hypothesis of his thoughts, I assume that he feels awkward and embarrassed at how extremely neutral I seemed.

The simple yet deafening conversation ends with one last question.

Do you drink coffee a lot?
A new question - a better one, I must add, apart from the other questions he has asked. Yep, actually my second cup of coffee for today. To my mom, apparently she would have drunk her third or fourth cup of coffee at this time of day.

He raised his cup towards me, aiming to cheer me up and in a jolly voice, cried, “kambe!” It means bottoms up. We laughed, raised our cups and cheered!

Parting ways was the easiest and presumably a relief for him. We gave each other that sheer nod and all I could utter was…Kambe! (bottoms up!) For a 10-minute coffee break, that was productive! But then again, that thought apparently insinuated sarcasm still.

I entered the office thinking about Kevin and discovered I know nothing of the man. To console him in my thoughts, I decided to agree to his most probable impression of me.

How boring could I be to Kevin now?

It’s approximately 1:20 in the morning right now. We are in the Philippines people!

I look at my PC, log on to friendster, yahoo, project playlist, the weather, google earth, entertainment, cnn, bbc, arcamax bible verse for the day…and finally a window pops to find one of my students online…Melissa - there you are.  “Thank heavens, I have someone to talk to!”

“HI Llamas and Eggs!”

“Hi Ms. Jo-jo” came her reply…and so on…!

We exchange stories, emoticons, stories, virtual laughter…virtual tears…virtual hugs…everything virtual. Well, the good thing about it is we can communicate…and yes, through electronic mails - the world, indeed shrinks! Thanks to everyone responsible for the internet, I am no longer alone in my sleepless nights!

A Psalm Of Life
(by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow)Tell me not in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream!
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.

 

Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou are, to dust thou returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Is our destined end or way;
But to act, that each tomorrow
Find us farther than today.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world’s broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of Life,
Be not like dumb, driven cattle!
Be a hero in the strife!

Trust no Future, howe’er pleasant!
Let the dead Past bury its dead!
Act, - act in the living Present!
Heart within, and God o’erhead!

Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sand of time!

Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o’er life’s solenm main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us then be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait.

Excess first: 

There was this workshop, where we were given situations to act out. Coincidentally, mine required telling that particular person, some things I’ve been craving for to say. 

______________________________________________________________

If I wanted vengeance, this is it!

..And you call yourselves, right?

…just?

…pure?

…saintly?

…the most perfect creatures?”

…from whose perspective?

…yours?

…and you absolutely think you’re right?

…are you?

….really?

…who told you?

…oh they did?

…who are they?

It didn’t just spark that day, did it? It started way before and I have always felt that opposition from you. You tell me things as if I’m some kind of vile diminutive insect who doesn’t know anything at all but be contagious. Who do you think you are? You keep judging as if you got no filth at all…as if you’re as pristine but you’re just as adulterated…”dirt as hell”..like your pathetic little friends!

Stop talking about my life as if you know me because you don’t!!!

You have no idea what I can do, how I think, how I process things, what my other abilities are. Yet, you continuously criticize me to others…destroying me in every possible way you can; underestimating my capabilities by making me feel stupid in front of everyone. Shame-shame! The fact is that you don’t know anything about me except the things that you scooped here and there…not even those friends - who are just as prejudiced as you are - know me!!!

It’s my LIFE, not yours!

Ergo, Puritans back off!

I have every RIGHT to be mad….to be angry…to feel like butchering crippled people like you…who become less and less. Less as in…not even close to being human!!! Less as in purely…NOTHING!

Face it….YOU’RE SICK!!! It seems that you suffer from this incurable psychotic-related cancer and whether you admit it or not, it’s written all over your face…that “B” word and you’re even so proud to flaunt it. Clearly, it just goes to show how insecure you are! You couldn’t even stop yourself from whining about other people’s businesses! You just couldn’t let go of people without finding them at fault about anything.
How wretched that is! How sick!!!

I mean seriously, I’d rather have the most expensive disease there is, than be as despicably psychotic as you are!

To top it off, you’re claiming to be professionals. Hahahahah!!! C’mon tell that to the marines! Do you honestly believe you are and don’t even bother worrying because you’re far from being one..!

Fact is no one is….NO ONE!

Think of the world leaders of our time and even in the earliest centuries… Oh, if you dig deeper, you might be including Jesus Christ too because he certainly did not follow any rules or laws at all on teaching procedures…and therefore, his ways are definitely not in your so-called “standards!” If you know what I mean. No one can possibly be idealistically “professional.” You might want to consider that before condemning me of being one, though we all know for a fact, that you already have stereotyped me. You’re Right. I’m not but at least I wasn’t that bold enough to blatantly accuse people like you did!

Look I don’t know you and even if I do, I wouldn’t use that against you because I’m not you and will never be!!!

I walk my life….you walk yours…. And that’s that….stop it!

Just stop!

Back off!

Stop intruding…

Stop.

I HAVE A LIFE TO LIVE TOO…and how I love my life!

If you hate yours so much, that’s not my excess baggage…and I don’t care!!!!

If you are so bitter about people like me who do not qualify in your lineage of “so-called greatness,” don’t draw me or anyone in for that matter, because I - for one - seriously consider myself independent and happy. I am confident of my strengths and do not need to be catalogued…especially not by you…Thank you.  I am only sorry that I did not stand for myself. In doing so, that gave you full access to ruin me entirely…publicly!
You have no conscience at all, Puritan!
I can only hope that if you’ve got any ounce of respect left, you would leave me ALONE!!!

Mind yours.

Clean your mess!

Face your ish and Shut up!!!

…I do pray that besides stripping us off our dignities…you think of yours too…think if you have some left. Now that bothers me. J

Note: No one may be considered professionally perfect, but it is in the person who struggles to be so. I am a self-confessed nonconformist and have my own way of doing things. I compromise too but that has never landed me in peace…though I’ve always tried. I don’t demand that you understand or that I’m saying that my ways are better. We all have our own approaches, strategies..styles…oh a lot! My point is why can’t we be ecclectic on how we go about with things? I’m saying that why must one stick with one, when there’s absolutely a variety of ways on expressing uniqueness, creativity and more…? Why discriminate the other because her approach is something not explored by some people? C’mon why can’t we leave room for breathing, for growing, for thinking crtically? for pure freedom?

The Dangers of Narrow-mindedness - that’s what this is!!!

A sad reality? (You can say that again)

Now that I am happily jobless, I think of nothing but food and my long list of what-to-dooooos!!!

Waking up, I take a look at my sad-funny list on a crumpled supermarket receipt and start jotting more things to do just so my workaholic mother will not reprimand me for not doing anything productive for the day.

Yes, my folks still ground and reprimand me…even at this age….and how I love that about them….really!

As I finish adding the 20th activity for the day, I felt like going to bed again…and thought hard, “can I really do all these?” There goes my slothful friend again - that evil procrastinator in me - telling me that sleeping cures all worries and fights all stress! I fought hard not to get carried away since I knew what a sleeping dragon I can be when it came to exhausting myself in bed and sleeping the entire 24/7 - oh yes, beat that! With the kind of procrastinator that I can be - I can sleep the whole week through like a pig!

Luckily though, I found myself dragging my feet to the floor and into the kitchen…only to get another receipt and scribble more.  This time though, it’s not crumpled nor is it tattered from ketchup or juice….in other words, it was new.  I scanned the contents of the crisp white receipt and looked at the summation of all the items I bought. Ooops, no wonder, mum screamed at me when we drove home. Yup, I suffered the consequences of my never-ending grabbing for food! The billing went a little too high…oh me…oh food…oh life! I actually forgot that it was her ATM card and not mine! Oh geez!

…and I scribbled some more….

Another time was wasted - just great!

Instead of following my list, I started writing this blog entry and decided to type a list about the things that I want to try before reaching the age of 50.  Ain’t this productive, too?

…Err…only this time, it’s not going to be in one of my mom’s grand receipt collection but in the PC - which, by the way, has become one of my constant companions these days! I even have a name for her….add to that…a gender!

Her name is Zoie - from our dog who died two years ago!

I turn Zoie on (that just sounds sick, right?), tap my finger while waiting as she prepares herself for me…and voila!

Zoie and I meet again. She takes me to friendster and I check out my blog and start clicking all the way through and finally found my fingers typing the keyboard for this entry.

   10 GREAT THINGS THAT I WISH TO TRY BEFORE REACHING THE AGE OF 50!!! (well, just 10 for now…don’t wanna sound too ambitious, although I am…positively…duh!!!)

           1. modeling! (note: ramp modeling, take that ajax!)

           2. winning an OSCAR for believability!

           3. go to MARS!

           4. climb the Everest!

           5. TRAVEL! (at least it’s realistic this time!)

           6. meet Angelina and Brad Pitt ( I love real people…not for the UNICEF…or because they are the world’s sexiest couple but purely because they’re REAL!) …and why would I know that? secret!

           7. Star in a local/international play that deals with Social issues! (I don’t mind what role I’ll have…I just miss the stage soOOoooOOoo much and I love societal…heroic issues!)

           8. make a career out of teaching….kids. I’ve always dreamed of having my own school…well, hopefully one day… I figured that out since I have this Peter Pan archetype in me that just wishes to feel youthful for the rest of my life! I love chatting with young people. They make sense more than anyone else I know! I love teaching them in a happy…colorful and inviting atmosphere.  It’s something I don’t fully understand myself…this zest for the young ones. It’s so different talking with grown-ups and talking to the innocent ones. Children are so full of hope, promise, good intentions, life…love and happiness. They make me feel happy and contented all the time. With grown-ups like me, it’s so hard to talk about fun times sometimes. Grown-ups can be such joy-suckers like some people I know. They’re so focused with their problems and sometimes, sadly, they seem like a hopeless case. I mean, we should never forget to crack and laugh even for some silly joke.   

            9. GETTING RICH! I don’t want to settle down when I’m unstable or if I can’t shed something for the less privileged or if I cannot help my family be more comfortable with their lives. I wish to be able to help more people and share blessings. I want to be a modern hero…an ubersmench! As long as there’s life…I’ll always feel the need to give. 

           10. Meet Mr. Alrighty! (It’s every girl’s dream and I’m not exempted from dreaming about that other wing - my other wing!) When the time is right…we will meet Mr. Alrighty! You’d better be good-looking so we both can have those really adorable kids! hahahaha! joke! I’m very specific about what I pray for. I’d pray…God fearing, loving, caring, patient, sensitive, handsome, tall 5′8 (not that tall to make crutches out of me), funny in a sarcastic way (like me), I love humorous and smart men, someone spontaneous, romantic, responsible, a good provider (whose means come from being industrious, diligent, wise, persevering and honest… and not out of corruption! God forbid!)….oh and a lot more!