SPRECAN.SPECAN.SPECEN.

A Psalm Of Life
(by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow)Tell me not in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream!
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.

 

Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou are, to dust thou returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Is our destined end or way;
But to act, that each tomorrow
Find us farther than today.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world’s broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of Life,
Be not like dumb, driven cattle!
Be a hero in the strife!

Trust no Future, howe’er pleasant!
Let the dead Past bury its dead!
Act, - act in the living Present!
Heart within, and God o’erhead!

Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sand of time!

Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o’er life’s solenm main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us then be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait.

Excess first: 

There was this workshop, where we were given situations to act out. Coincidentally, mine required telling that particular person, some things I’ve been craving for to say. 

______________________________________________________________

If I wanted vengeance, this is it!

..And you call yourselves, right?

…just?

…pure?

…saintly?

…the most perfect creatures?”

…from whose perspective?

…yours?

…and you absolutely think you’re right?

…are you?

….really?

…who told you?

…oh they did?

…who are they?

It didn’t just spark that day, did it? It started way before and I have always felt that opposition from you. You tell me things as if I’m some kind of vile diminutive insect who doesn’t know anything at all but be contagious. Who do you think you are? You keep judging as if you got no filth at all…as if you’re as pristine but you’re just as adulterated…”dirt as hell”..like your pathetic little friends!

Stop talking about my life as if you know me because you don’t!!!

You have no idea what I can do, how I think, how I process things, what my other abilities are. Yet, you continuously criticize me to others…destroying me in every possible way you can; underestimating my capabilities by making me feel stupid in front of everyone. Shame-shame! The fact is that you don’t know anything about me except the things that you scooped here and there…not even those friends - who are just as prejudiced as you are - know me!!!

It’s my LIFE, not yours!

Ergo, Puritans back off!

I have every RIGHT to be mad….to be angry…to feel like butchering crippled people like you…who become less and less. Less as in…not even close to being human!!! Less as in purely…NOTHING!

Face it….YOU’RE SICK!!! It seems that you suffer from this incurable psychotic-related cancer and whether you admit it or not, it’s written all over your face…that “B” word and you’re even so proud to flaunt it. Clearly, it just goes to show how insecure you are! You couldn’t even stop yourself from whining about other people’s businesses! You just couldn’t let go of people without finding them at fault about anything.
How wretched that is! How sick!!!

I mean seriously, I’d rather have the most expensive disease there is, than be as despicably psychotic as you are!

To top it off, you’re claiming to be professionals. Hahahahah!!! C’mon tell that to the marines! Do you honestly believe you are and don’t even bother worrying because you’re far from being one..!

Fact is no one is….NO ONE!

Think of the world leaders of our time and even in the earliest centuries… Oh, if you dig deeper, you might be including Jesus Christ too because he certainly did not follow any rules or laws at all on teaching procedures…and therefore, his ways are definitely not in your so-called “standards!” If you know what I mean. No one can possibly be idealistically “professional.” You might want to consider that before condemning me of being one, though we all know for a fact, that you already have stereotyped me. You’re Right. I’m not but at least I wasn’t that bold enough to blatantly accuse people like you did!

Look I don’t know you and even if I do, I wouldn’t use that against you because I’m not you and will never be!!!

I walk my life….you walk yours…. And that’s that….stop it!

Just stop!

Back off!

Stop intruding…

Stop.

I HAVE A LIFE TO LIVE TOO…and how I love my life!

If you hate yours so much, that’s not my excess baggage…and I don’t care!!!!

If you are so bitter about people like me who do not qualify in your lineage of “so-called greatness,” don’t draw me or anyone in for that matter, because I - for one - seriously consider myself independent and happy. I am confident of my strengths and do not need to be catalogued…especially not by you…Thank you.  I am only sorry that I did not stand for myself. In doing so, that gave you full access to ruin me entirely…publicly!
You have no conscience at all, Puritan!
I can only hope that if you’ve got any ounce of respect left, you would leave me ALONE!!!

Mind yours.

Clean your mess!

Face your ish and Shut up!!!

…I do pray that besides stripping us off our dignities…you think of yours too…think if you have some left. Now that bothers me. J

Note: No one may be considered professionally perfect, but it is in the person who struggles to be so. I am a self-confessed nonconformist and have my own way of doing things. I compromise too but that has never landed me in peace…though I’ve always tried. I don’t demand that you understand or that I’m saying that my ways are better. We all have our own approaches, strategies..styles…oh a lot! My point is why can’t we be ecclectic on how we go about with things? I’m saying that why must one stick with one, when there’s absolutely a variety of ways on expressing uniqueness, creativity and more…? Why discriminate the other because her approach is something not explored by some people? C’mon why can’t we leave room for breathing, for growing, for thinking crtically? for pure freedom?

The Dangers of Narrow-mindedness - that’s what this is!!!

A sad reality? (You can say that again)

Now that I am happily jobless, I think of nothing but food and my long list of what-to-dooooos!!!

Waking up, I take a look at my sad-funny list on a crumpled supermarket receipt and start jotting more things to do just so my workaholic mother will not reprimand me for not doing anything productive for the day.

Yes, my folks still ground and reprimand me…even at this age….and how I love that about them….really!

As I finish adding the 20th activity for the day, I felt like going to bed again…and thought hard, “can I really do all these?” There goes my slothful friend again - that evil procrastinator in me - telling me that sleeping cures all worries and fights all stress! I fought hard not to get carried away since I knew what a sleeping dragon I can be when it came to exhausting myself in bed and sleeping the entire 24/7 - oh yes, beat that! With the kind of procrastinator that I can be - I can sleep the whole week through like a pig!

Luckily though, I found myself dragging my feet to the floor and into the kitchen…only to get another receipt and scribble more.  This time though, it’s not crumpled nor is it tattered from ketchup or juice….in other words, it was new.  I scanned the contents of the crisp white receipt and looked at the summation of all the items I bought. Ooops, no wonder, mum screamed at me when we drove home. Yup, I suffered the consequences of my never-ending grabbing for food! The billing went a little too high…oh me…oh food…oh life! I actually forgot that it was her ATM card and not mine! Oh geez!

…and I scribbled some more….

Another time was wasted - just great!

Instead of following my list, I started writing this blog entry and decided to type a list about the things that I want to try before reaching the age of 50.  Ain’t this productive, too?

…Err…only this time, it’s not going to be in one of my mom’s grand receipt collection but in the PC - which, by the way, has become one of my constant companions these days! I even have a name for her….add to that…a gender!

Her name is Zoie - from our dog who died two years ago!

I turn Zoie on (that just sounds sick, right?), tap my finger while waiting as she prepares herself for me…and voila!

Zoie and I meet again. She takes me to friendster and I check out my blog and start clicking all the way through and finally found my fingers typing the keyboard for this entry.

   10 GREAT THINGS THAT I WISH TO TRY BEFORE REACHING THE AGE OF 50!!! (well, just 10 for now…don’t wanna sound too ambitious, although I am…positively…duh!!!)

           1. modeling! (note: ramp modeling, take that ajax!)

           2. winning an OSCAR for believability!

           3. go to MARS!

           4. climb the Everest!

           5. TRAVEL! (at least it’s realistic this time!)

           6. meet Angelina and Brad Pitt ( I love real people…not for the UNICEF…or because they are the world’s sexiest couple but purely because they’re REAL!) …and why would I know that? secret!

           7. Star in a local/international play that deals with Social issues! (I don’t mind what role I’ll have…I just miss the stage soOOoooOOoo much and I love societal…heroic issues!)

           8. make a career out of teaching….kids. I’ve always dreamed of having my own school…well, hopefully one day… I figured that out since I have this Peter Pan archetype in me that just wishes to feel youthful for the rest of my life! I love chatting with young people. They make sense more than anyone else I know! I love teaching them in a happy…colorful and inviting atmosphere.  It’s something I don’t fully understand myself…this zest for the young ones. It’s so different talking with grown-ups and talking to the innocent ones. Children are so full of hope, promise, good intentions, life…love and happiness. They make me feel happy and contented all the time. With grown-ups like me, it’s so hard to talk about fun times sometimes. Grown-ups can be such joy-suckers like some people I know. They’re so focused with their problems and sometimes, sadly, they seem like a hopeless case. I mean, we should never forget to crack and laugh even for some silly joke.   

            9. GETTING RICH! I don’t want to settle down when I’m unstable or if I can’t shed something for the less privileged or if I cannot help my family be more comfortable with their lives. I wish to be able to help more people and share blessings. I want to be a modern hero…an ubersmench! As long as there’s life…I’ll always feel the need to give. 

           10. Meet Mr. Alrighty! (It’s every girl’s dream and I’m not exempted from dreaming about that other wing - my other wing!) When the time is right…we will meet Mr. Alrighty! You’d better be good-looking so we both can have those really adorable kids! hahahaha! joke! I’m very specific about what I pray for. I’d pray…God fearing, loving, caring, patient, sensitive, handsome, tall 5′8 (not that tall to make crutches out of me), funny in a sarcastic way (like me), I love humorous and smart men, someone spontaneous, romantic, responsible, a good provider (whose means come from being industrious, diligent, wise, persevering and honest… and not out of corruption! God forbid!)….oh and a lot more!

      

            

            

Just when you are about to think of something grand, the title grabs your attention and you think, "oh my, it sounds like a name for a sari-sari store in the Philippines…Jo’s Inato, Jo’s Store, Jo’s Carenderia… Jo….Jo….Jo…and the never ending Jos’!"

"Guess what, I thought of that too…and I am in the Philippines."

I would have wanted to advertise and cry in my jolly sometimes high-pitched voice the words, "Welcome. Read Me! Rejoice, I have come to write again!!!"

Yes, I would’ve wanted that or better yet posted the statement on billboard…but then, I hesitate and ponder for some splitting seconds…nevermind.

With a sigh, I start counting the long years. I continue typing…and realized…

I have stopped writing for a decade.

This hobby used to be the only thing that kept me free but then, like the rest in my closet of memories, it too, despised and imprisoned me.

Writing made an antagonist of me. It caused a life of darkness and years of misery…of disappointments…of broken trusts and promises…

of hurts…

the old ghosts of the past…

…and why my father never spoke to me again.

I thought truth set people free but it didn’t. At a young age, I realized that people were afraid of truth…of unconformity…

…and worse, of themselves.

Uncorrupted 10 years ago, I wrote truthfully. I wrote stories of love, vengeance, happiness and my own idealistic perceptions of the world. I loved writing and whatever the reason that may have transpired me to write again is perhaps the very root itself…

the love to express one’s self in writing.

Writing will always be my first love and like all first loves, it too was never forgotten.

And for this, I risk a second chance.

I WRITE AGAIN.

I love again.

Welcome to my page!!!